Nervousness

I got the pre-ride sense of panic today. The one you get when you know your actually going to go to another country on a bicycle, with a tent, and very little money. The panic that makes me feel as though there are unknown fears or problems, and you're about to put yourself into those. It's a feeling that your alive. Alive I say.

My relationship has been sinking too. It's been there for a while now, but it's got to that point where I feel I need to blog about it. The fact is, I'm broke, and still unable to find a career. And my partner hates me for my predicament. Is love unconditional? I'm being pushed. I'd truly love to be able to give her all I can and make her smile with the gifts.

So, seeing this downward slide developing, I've not been entirely accepting of my supposedly foreseeable fate. I have been offered work, only, it's in Nepal. I've been offered a teaching post in Kathmandu, and it starts really soon. I may have to end my bike tour early to take this post.

I'm not entirely sure about going, my family think I'm insane. But I still have a feeling of love for a mean, conditional girl. But if it gets worse, I know I have no other choice. I must go.

But the panic feeling felt good too. I know that I'm placing myself in new and unseen places, and learning about other people, in a sustainable way. I'm not stagnating. I hope not at least.

I hope.

I've still not been refunded for the botched train ticket either. But as fate and karma intervenes, I have sold my heavy loud guitar amp, and the guy just called round with a big, fat £100. I feel more secure, and i'm able to see a cycle tour working out again in my head. Tomorrow is packing day.